According to science, this fateful moment predicts with 96% certainty whether your relationship will last or not.

Far from being a long and calm river, married life is often punctuated by challenges. Even when you think you have found your soulmate, maintaining the passion in your relationship and ensuring that it lasts as long as possible requires constant effort, it is a real full-time job as much as life and its turmoil do not fail to do it regularly. Couples Test It is really necessary to succeed in managing and overcoming conflicts, learning to compromise for the sake of the other, and taming disagreements with intelligence and peace related to values ​​or misunderstandings, and many problems that remind us that nothing is ever acquired love. Julie and John GottmanTwo researchers and therapists say there is still a way to predict from the start whether your relationship will last.

How do you know if your relationship will last?

According to experts, the first three minutes of a fight reveal the future of a relationship, and can predict the longevity of a relationship with up to 96% accuracy. As reported InternationalThis theory is based on a 1999 study published in the journal National Library of MedicineResearchers examined the behavior of 124 newlywed couples over a six-year period. They found that when conflicts began with negative emotions (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, or obstruction), the chances of a breakup later increased dramatically. Of the 17 couples who broke up, all began their arguments with more negative emotions than did couples who stayed married. Conversely, couples who were able to maintain more positive exchanges during their difficult discussions saw their relationship strengthen over time.

“The main lesson from this study is that the way couples begin a discussion about an issue—the way you present the issue and the way your partner responds to you—is extremely important.”explains John GottmanIf the first three minutes of an argument are so important, it is because they determine not only the course of the conflict, but also the future of the couple. In stable marriages, these first minutes are characterized by limited expression of negative emotions and more caring communication. This helps foster a climate of mutual understanding and shows that we are able to manage disagreements constructively like adults, without getting out of hand.

Tame your struggles differently

Instead of placing blame squarely on the other person as soon as you start to lose your temper, it’s a good idea to focus on your own feelings and needs. That’s why the Gottmans recommend starting your disagreements on a gentler note. “This means you're not pointing fingers at your partner, but at yourself.”they specify. The two experts offer a simple way to start disagreements in a healthy way. It would be best to choose this formula: “I feel (emotional) about (situation/problem) and need (specific, positive action your partner can take to improve the situation).”This approach emphasizes empathy and listening, two essential elements for a lasting couple.